The Animatress Pipeline

Filmmaking Adventures

Pasha 1990-2007


She looked confused
Sedated, her eyes glanced toward the vet that she didn’t recognize as if to say: “What’s going on?”


As planned, I sang “Me and My Arrow” by Harry Nilsson, as the sedative took effect. I continued by telling her the story of Oblio and Arrow in the Land of Point as she became more and more drowsy. I had just reached the point in the story where Oblio and Arrow left the Three Fat Sisters when Dr. Wong and his weekend assistant who was new to me and Pasha returned to the room to administer the serum that would her leave in the Land of Pointless Forest.

“Dr. Wong: The heart has now stopped.”

With her soul still in her eyes, I continued to tell the rest of the story. And now I think of you, moment or so ago, my I hope it not the last time…last time. Oblio and Arrow returned to the Land of Point from the Pointless Forest to a heroes welcome by the time I realized that Pasha’s eyes were “sightless” and I finished the tale with a long hold and a kiss.

Pasha was my life partner and I shall miss her terribly. Let the 49 days of the intermediate state between two successive earthly incarnation period begin. I wish her well in her afterlife .

Nam Myho Renge Kyo

Pasha: 16 years, 5 months, 29 days, born September 199o, died March 10, 2007 at aproximately 12:30 pm

The day started out well. I picked Pasha up at her foster mom’s and we headed to Fort Miley: Pasha’a heaven on earth. We looked at the sea and listened to the fog horns and visted the mandala sculpture that Pasha found for us so many months ago when I rescued he from an unfortunate overnight stint at the pound. We shared a dim sum breakfast and headed back the car. It was a beautiful false spring morning. She seemed fine…and she was fine. It’s just that she was on the brink of renal failure and I wished that she not be in pain. However, it would’ve been nice for Pasha to see her 17th birthday. I made a hasty decision. I am a murderer.
Pasha needn’t wish to be in a better place. She was already in the best place. But, that pace was unstable and could only be enjoyed fleetingly. Pasha developed the nasty habit of relieving herself in unwanted places around her caretaker’s apartment. So, fearing the worst for coming in the near future, I made the grim hard line decision to have her put down. I can tell that Dr. Wong resented my decision, but what’s the point of living when one is homeless? Pasha would die in the coming heat if she had to live in my car again—-and what of the ever patrolling Animal Care and Control, the agency that would Pasha to sleep in a heartbeat all due to her age. So, I became judge, jury and executioner and ordered my little older sister to be euthanized. I am a murderess.

When Pasha’s heart was stopped, Dr. Wong tried to close her eyes, yet they remained open. He then decided to leave me with Pasha for a while longer and exited the room. Convinced that her mind was still working and that Pasha’s eyes could still see, I finished the story of Oblio and the land of Point. During my oration I noticed that Pasha’s muscles had relaxed. I could not tell if she was still alive or not. Her eyes were so dark. In any event I eventually picker her up and swaddled her in the blanket that was provided for her and left her head out so that she looked like a sleeping dog in a sort of “blankey cocoon”, recited sansho for her spirit and left the room. I hope she lost all consciousness before I left. I still have the feeling that Pasha’s soul was trapped in her eyes because she had no idea what was happening to her and was not honored with a warning. I am a deceiver and a murderess and I’ve learned a hard lesson. No matter where you have to live—keep your family with you. Make sure that have a home. For no matter how kind a stranger can be, a stranger can only do so much. Her foster mom Sabrina, scolded me by saying, “How did you come to such a decision?” I feared for Pasha’s well being and the convenience of a person who may have been fond of Pasha, but was not really obligated to take care of her. I killed Pasha because she was an inconvenience and it was the cruelest thing I ever done and I hope ever will do. Had I let myself think a bit longer, I would have realised that my situation was different than it was two years ago when I moved from my house in Vallejo to San Francicso. I was living in the dorms/borderline homeless then. I have my own apartment now! I should’ve concluded to hide Pasha in my apartment and confined her to my bathroom so she can poo on the linoleum as I worked throughout the day and just stubbornly riled everyone in my building until I found dog friendly building to move into. But no. I panicked and killed my best friend and now I await the effect of my causes from this afternoon. May Pasha be born as beautiful dog again, this time to a more stable and reliable person who has a firmer grip on reality and means to survive in it.
I love you Pasha, with all my heart.
May you be rewarded for your friendship in your next life.

ARTIST: Harry Nilsson
TITLE: Me and My Arrow
Lyrics and Chords

[Point, The]

Me and my arrow
Straighter than narrow
Wherever we go, everyone knows
It’s me and my arrow

/ Bbmaj7 – – – / F7 – – – / / Bbmaj7 – – – /

Me and my arrow
Taking the high road
Wherever we go, everyone knows
It’s me and my arrow

And in the morning when I wake up
She may be gone, I don’t know
And if we make up just to break up
I’ll carry on, oh yes I will

/ Em7 – A7 – / D – B7 – / Em7 – A7 – / D – B7 Dm7F7 /

{refrain}
Me and my arrow, Do-do-loo-do, do-do do-do do do
Straighter than narrow
Wherever we go, everyone knows
It’s me and my arrow

Me and my arrow (5X)

{Refrain}

Advertisements

One response to “Pasha 1990-2007

  1. FilmStudent March 11, 2007 at 10:39 am

    Ashanti, I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish you the best in the coming days. Don’t hurt too much, she’s in a better place. My Great Grandfather died two weeks ago, he was 97 years old. In dog years Pasha was even older! Sometimes it’s best to just let go. I know you may not realize it, but you did the right thing. Nobody should die in pain. If you need anything, even a hug, call me.-Alex

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: